Saturday, November 26, 2005

Useless Me

My college has a blood donation campaign (NBDC), I was dragged by Jennie to become her assistant. PA Assistant, the same post in the last BDC. Aih... So, it was in the week 6 of my current semester. The week before was public holiday, Deeparaya. And I wasn't really working hard previously. I skipped all the lectures on the week. Well, almost all. At least i attended Electronics' lecture, mm only 2 hours I think. ^^;; Well, the campaign was okie, but then was lacking a lot of sleep, because I do stuffs last minute, which is NOT a very good habit and it killed me EVERYTIME, and yet I still don't change. Summore, had some arguement with my dear and made me cried damn lot. Never cried so much. I cried two day in a row, and really really a LOT!! Neways, things' fine now. I hope. And throughout the whole semester, I didn't do my tutorials, didn't revise, didn't do whatever is need to do by a student. I used to be a lot luckier, because all the test I won't afraid although I didn't really study. This time, test came. I just done two test. And I did badly. BADLY. I was... blank... BLANK! I was dissappointed at myself. Disappointed. Why? Why can't I do well? Why things turned out this way? I guess too much Internet-ing and lack of SELF-CONTROL!!! Useless me... I hate it when I can't control myself! But then it still happens. Ahh.. just wanna release my stress. Have a big FLU today and had some health prob previously... hope things turn out better soon. And, I guess I'm getting on track with my streamyx down. Started doing tutorials liao. Hehe~ ^^ Yet, I still feel myself getting more and more stupid. Noticing all my coursemates are advancing and I'm lagging all the way behind, I felt damn useless. Useless me. Ahh well, one stupid post. Anything you wanna scold please write in comment. Thanks. All scoldings are accepted with open heart.

Monday, November 07, 2005


Suddenly I felt headache today. It comes so slowly that I didn't even notice it coming. It has been quite some day. A lot of thinking went through my mind. I started acting weird, in front of everybody especially my dear. Dear, I'm sorry. There has been too much things happening recently. Sometimes I just feel like being with you alone all time, without caring any other thing *tune of You and Me by Lifehouse playing*. Thanks for being a great support to me.

Maybe there is too much online session, mosquitoes bites, non-regular sleep pattern, sleeping in class, tutorials, undone and tough assignment because no guidance, suckish lecturer, parental disapproval, financial problems, etc... AH.. damn.. I'm only 19, why do I have to suffer from all this? (This is the famous quote from Jennie)

Sometimes I just feel like the world is goning to end soon. Accidents are getting more and more, stuffs are getting more and more expensive, my wallets feels more and more empty, natural disaster are getting more and mroe frequent (although I don't really read the news), newspaper reading session are getting lesser and lesser, interest are getting blurer and blurer, stuffs are getting messier, things are getting harder...

And something which I thought it is going to happen only in the drama has been told to me that it has happened real life, and to some of my closest friends. Yeah, I know it is naive to think that things that are happening in drama aren't going to happen in real life as drama is the reflection of the real life.

House burgary, teenage pregnancy, severe family problems backed with a gambler as a father of the family, relationship problems with a 6 years and a 1 month, juggling between preferences and requests, communication problems, and felt like things are going against my will.

Ahh, they say humans have "Sam sui look wong" (3 years of bad luck and 6 years of prosperity). I kinda have a feeling this year is one of my 'sam sui'. But not really 'sui' la... Someone found me, and we are together for half a year already, and I'm glad it happened.

Ah well, I guess things are gonna get better. Before I wrote this, I had a headache, face muscle cramp and feel damn tensed. I guessed thats because I have been wanting to write a post but I didn't really write one.

Ahh.. better get back to work.. Let me see, what I need to do... NBCD, Poster, Flash, Presentation, Tutorials...

P/S: Dear, I really want to cuddle with you badly...